Painfully broken

Its been a quite long i didnt post anything . A month ago and until now i've been through hard times . Its really sad that im unlike the others have a great time with their family, laughing and joy . Sometimes i feel like i live in my own life, like no one even cared about me . Yeah i really do dont understand what they really wanted from me . They just keep on ruinning my life and make it harder and misserable . I wonder why they didnt ruinning my brother . Yeah they just love my brother than me like hes the genius or whatever they called it, It really hurts so bad and im so fucking jelous about that . My life it isnt like what you see or what it looks like, Its just a "Propa" . To me friends comes first wether i have a good friend, best friend or whatever friend that i have, they come first . But thats the problem, I have a friend like no friends, and is difficult when looking for clever, happy if it just went like that . Too bad i have a friend like that . They just want to shared my life easily meteriallistic . Life is so cruel and unfair like very very unfair to me . Im all alone facing this lame problem, I cant barely go further i just need someone that i can count on i mean more like boyfriend *daaaa*, Like i have one . *Sigh* i just wish that i died someday in peacefully,

Silence makes me calm, Pain makes me scream, Darkness makes me scared :(